That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
