My nipple is on Facebook.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
