But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
