Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What happened to fro yo and sex?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize