make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
