I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize