I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
