I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
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Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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