Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
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I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
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Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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