How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
