thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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