Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
