I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
