Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
