I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
