sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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