sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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