this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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