Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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