you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
