I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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