He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
