I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
