Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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