I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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