1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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