a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
