he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
