How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
