Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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