I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I need mimosas to revive my soul
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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