why didn't you poke me back
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
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I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
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