so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
this hospital has no fireball
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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