he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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