i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
