Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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