I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
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We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
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Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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