There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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