yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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