It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
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Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
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After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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