fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
