ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
