I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
