she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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