I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Shame is for Republicans.
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