those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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