if i can run in heels then i can drive
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
