areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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