My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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