"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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