Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
