You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
