I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
