I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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