fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
