hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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