All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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