We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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