Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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