if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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