I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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