My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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