I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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