we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
