You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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