I think I just saw someone hide a body.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
