I'm drive I can fine osifer
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
