Pappa wants mamma naked
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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