You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
