my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
