If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
A+ Viking dick
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
