I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
