Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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