I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
