areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he thought i was a dude.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
