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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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