I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
