I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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