At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
