id be glad to
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
