Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
