Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
