Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
