Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
