I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
